


The Lies We Tell (Ourselves)

by Lilith_Child



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Characters Reading Fanfiction, Goodbye Fourth Wall, M/M, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:26:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4598013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilith_Child/pseuds/Lilith_Child
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam finds fanfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lies We Tell (Ourselves)

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing, and all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Reviews are greatly appreciated!

Sam found the fanfiction after he and Dean ended up watching the Supernatural musical.

Well, he didn’t exactly find it, per se. Not exactly.

He went looking for it, instead. Sam had been interested to see what the other fans thought. He’d sworn never to read it, after Becky, but it seemed that not all of them were as obsessed with sex as she had been.

Sam briefly wondered what she was doing now, before he dove into the miracle that was the Internet. 

Three hours later, he was slightly horrified and amazed at the same time. He’d found one called ‘The Fourth Wall Series’, and Sam was ashamed to find that he wasn’t as horrified at the idea of fanfiction (or even sex about them) as he should have been.

As Dean would have been.

Somehow, he stumbled onto Tumblr, and then onto a blog called asksamstuff. There was a post about him going out on a coffee date near the top, and Sam cried when he reads it. These fans — these people — they loved him. They genuinely loved him. Sam couldn’t help but wonder why they thought he was worth it.

He found himself crying a lot, that night.

Eventually, he gathered his courage and searched for Sam/Lucifer. The first search result that came up was for ao3, and Sam clicked on the link.

He read for hours, and by the end, Sam was exhausted — both mentally and emotionally.

He had been crying for most of the time that he’d been reading, and Sam finally found himself able to admit the horrible, awful truth that had been lingering in his mind for years now: he missed Lucifer. And he might actually be a tiny bit in love with him.

Well, maybe more than a tiny bit.

It wasn’t romantic though, if Sam really thought about it. Maybe a tiny, tiny part of him wished it was, but the larger part of him just missed the feeling of belonging. Of not being a burden all the time. Of having someone who knew him, knew his faults and saw through his lies and still loved him nonetheless.

Sam cried for a long time after the computer screen went black, and even the headache was worth it. It was a small pain, in the end, and if he was being honest with himself — and he usually would be, because Sam disliked things in his body deceiving him, even if they were himself — the pain was worth it, because it clouded his mind. 

It took away the thoughts of him. It dulled the memories, dulled the pain of the gaping wounds Lucifer had left behind that had still not yet healed.

—-—

In the morning, Sam got up and made an account on ao3. His username was tauruslovesscorpio.

He was finally ready to start saying his goodbyes.


End file.
